Fire
by PerfectPride
Summary: House winds up Cuddy as per usual, this time with a little help from a fire extinguisher. One parter.


**Pairing: House/Cuddy**

**Summary: House causes trouble for Cuddy, yet again. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or the characters.**

**Spoilers: None**

**A/N: Feedback is appreciated, including constructive criticism. **

**Fire**

* * *

"I can't believe you."

"You don't mean that!"

"No, you're right. I _really_ can't believe you." Cuddy didn't even raise her voice; the shock didn't allow her to. Of all the stupid, ridiculous, insane and childish things House had ever done; this topped the lot.

* * *

_It had all started that very morning when as usual, House was attempting to avoid his clinic duty. Though he had been warned by Cuddy to be on his best behaviour as several important benefactors were visiting the hospital, House being House he had paid no attention. Foolishly, Cuddy had thought that if she just managed to get him into the clinic, he might stick around for at least half hour, perhaps see two patients (three maximum). However, House had an entirely different agenda, and despite appearing briefly to torment Nurse Brenda and steal some lollypops, he hadn't been seen since._

_Cuddy herself had been busy showing the benefactors around the hospital, attempting to wangle money out of them the way she usually did. Well placed compliments, smiles and a visit to paediatrics guaranteed that she at least received some sort of a donation. Of course, the amount of money all depended on whether House was following her around tormenting her or not. One day, when she'd been extremely bored and free of paperwork for once, Cuddy had worked out that roughly each half a minute the donators spent in House's company meant a ten percent decrease in the amount that was donated._

_This was the precise reason why she had Wilson trailing House that morning, attempting to get him into the clinic. The last place she wanted to take the benefactors to was the clinic; coughs and colds just weren't the sort of illnesses that tugged at potential donator's heartstrings. Therefore, in an ideal world, House would be out of the way, and the hospital would get given a large sum of money._

_It just so happened that this was not an ideal world._

_Twenty minutes into Cuddy's grand tour of the hospital, House had appeared. There had been no warning, nothing to aid Cuddy in her damage limitation. In other words, House had announced himself with a, "HEY CUDDY!" and limped towards her, grinning from ear to ear._

"_Dr. House," Cuddy winced, attempting to smile politely and not look perturbed at his sudden presence. Obviously he had given Wilson the slip. "Can I help you with something?"_

"_You can indeed, you can indeed…" House repeated himself, though he didn't reveal why he was there._

"_Well, is it urgent? Because I'm really rather busy showing Mr and Mrs Richards around the hospital," Cuddy informed him impatiently._

"_Yes, it is urgent. Well, my first request is. The second… not so much. Though if you can get hold of the whips and chains by noon then that would be fabulous!" He winked._

_Cringing, avoiding looking at Mr and Mrs Richards, Cuddy silently cursed him. Why oh why did he have to appear when the most generous, and richest donators were paying the hospital a visit? Well; since Vogler anyway. Bastard that he was, he was rich, and extremely generous. It was just a shame that came at a price._

_Deciding on ignoring his obvious attempts at riling her temper, Cuddy gave a strained smile and replied, "Oh your sense of humour Dr. House… it's so individual!" Taking a deep breath she continued, "Now what is it you want?" _

"_I sorta need your approval on something," House said solemnly. "You know that guy who's been in a persistent vegetative state for the past eight months? Jeff something? Need his bone marrow."_

"_Excuse me?" Cuddy was taken aback. _

"_He's on the bone marrow register and he's the same type as my patient. You know, that fat old bird I've been treating. Anyway, she needs a bone marrow transplant. You see where I'm going with this?" House spoke slowly, making Cuddy appear stupid._

"_House... he's in a vegetative state." Cuddy stated._

"_Duh, didn't I just say that?" House mocked her. "Just because the guy wets himself like a baby and drools like a dog doesn't mean he can't donate bone marrow. That is, if you give me permission. I promise I'll put him straight back where he is when I'm finished."_

"_No," Cuddy said adamantly._

"_Cuddy!" House whined._

"_I said no," Cuddy hissed, glancing over at her companions. They were frowning, seemingly disturbed by the conversation they were witness to. Cuddy estimated House had been around for about a minute now. She had to get him away before he lost the hospital anymore money. "Go back to your office, or better still; the clinic. We'll talk later," she attempted to dismiss him._

"_But…"_

"_No buts," Cuddy said sharply. Leaning closer to him so the benefactors couldn't hear she hissed, "Now go away!"_

* * *

"There's no harm done," House shrugged. "Well, not really."

"No harm done?!" Cuddy exclaimed. "Not only have you just lost the hospital a total of forty million dollars, but you've tainted my reputation!" The shock was wearing off now, to be quickly replaced with fury.

House smirked. "It was fun though."

* * *

_The rest of the hospital tour went smoothly for Cuddy. Surprisingly, House had slipped away and appeared to be causing havoc elsewhere in the hospital. For once, this was fine by Cuddy. She could deal with him later._

_After she'd finished giving the grand tour, Cuddy led her guests to her office. Passing by the clinic, she caught sight of House, rolling her eyes as she saw he was playing with a yo-yo. Knowing that shouting at him would only encourage misbehaviour, she walked straight past him, ignoring his wolf whistle at her. Stopping briefly to sign paperwork for Wilson, she chatted casually to Mrs Richards, explaining that she'd be as quick as possible._

_Nevertheless, the moment Cuddy heard the bang from behind her she knew House was up to something. Forcing herself to turn around, she was horrified to see that House was dragging a fire extinguisher along next to him._

"_House!" She shouted angrily. "What are you doing?!"_

"_Got a new theory on what's wrong with Fat Old Bird. Good news by the way, she doesn't need a bone marrow transplant after all." As he spoke he fiddled with the nozzle of the fire extinguisher._

"_And you need a fire extinguisher because…?" Cuddy waited for House to inform her of what he was up to._

"_Her temperature is sky high and she refuses to take an ice bath. Kind of glad about that to be honest, all those rolls…" House shuddered. "So this should do the trick. I would have got the one from upstairs but Chase took it off me and kept following me around to stop me from taking another. So I gave him the slip." House ripped out the safety pin. "Oh and just to let you know… I fired Chase. Again."_

"_Chase is not fired and you are not spraying a critically ill woman with a fire extinguisher just to get her temperature down!" Cuddy told him. "And be careful with that thing House," she warned, gesturing towards the fire extinguisher. House was an accident waiting to happen._

"_Don't worry; this baby is in safe hands. Besides, I was taught not to play with fire; not fire extinguishers," House told her, flicking the handle. Just as Cuddy opened her mouth to tell him to stop, he lost his grip. Though he attempted to grab it, it slipped from his hand. With his other hand, House managed to stop it from crashing to the floor, but in the process of this he squeezed the trigger. _

_In slow motion, Cuddy saw this coming. She shut her eyes, bracing herself for the ice-cold, pressurised water that was sure to soak her. However, when she realised five seconds later that she was still dry, she opened her eyes, House coming into view._

_She glanced at him, hearing him speak. "Oops."_

_Turning to follow House's line of vision, Cuddy could only stare at the sight before her. It seemed that though House had missed her by a few inches, Mrs Richards wasn't so lucky. Cuddy tried to work out the best way of handling the situation._

_She decided an apology would be a good start. "Mrs Richards I am so, so sorry! And I'm sure Dr. House is too," She looked at House, giving him a murderous stare that plainly said "Apologise or I will kill you."_

"_Yes, I'm very…" House stopped speaking, and began to laugh openly, a rare sight indeed. Ordinarily Cuddy would have been pleasantly surprised to see him looking so happy for once; but not now. Not like this. _

"_House!" She yelled._

"_I just… I can't do it," he laughed hysterically, amused by the soaking wet woman in front of him. "Are you people not finding this funny?" He asked the crowd around him._

_The crowd of people were not laughing. One look at Cuddy's face and they realised it would be a big mistake. Even the patients seemed to sense this. She reinforced her anger with words, growling at House, "My office. Now!"_

_House let go of the extinguisher and limped towards Cuddy's office, letting himself in. Cuddy turned to beg the benefactors for forgiveness; but it was too late. Arm in arm, Mr and Mrs Richards left the hospital muttering something about diabolical situations and incompetent staff. Cuddy sighed. Looked like the hospital would be getting zero in donations from them._

* * *

"Do you not even find it sort of funny?" House asked.

"No!" Cuddy screeched. "It's not funny in the slightest!"

"It is," House insisted. "And the best bit is; it was a complete accident!"

"I don't care House!" Cuddy continued to yell.

"Can you lower your voice a bit? It's making my ears hurt." House groaned.

"Good," Cuddy shot at him, though she had lowered her voice slightly.

House paused for a second, and then suggested casually, "I'll make it up to you."

Cuddy laughed, though it was far from kind. "Yeah, sure you will."

"No really," He said firmly. "Not the hospital, but you."

Cuddy frowned. She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, when he took a few steps closer to her, pulling her towards him. Slipping his tongue into her mouth, he couldn't help moaning, as she kissed him back. Though he was surprised that she hadn't slapped him or pushed him away by now, he decided on just enjoying the moment. It seemed that her being angry at him made her horny in the same way that it made him when she had pissed him off. Taking his chance whilst he could, he pushed a hand inside her shirt, feeling his way around her breasts and smoothing the skin beneath his palms. He was just in the process of pushing her back onto the desk and hitching her skirt up, when he felt a hand pressed to his chest, and she pulled away. "No…" she breathed.

"You want this," he stated. "Look at you, your heart is racing, your face is flushed. You're on _fire_." He couldn't help but add in that last metaphor.

"Sure I do. But if I pull away now, it's going to punish you a hell of a lot more than it'll punish me," She informed him. "Teach you a lesson."

"Oh and what's that?" He asked. "Aside from the fact that sexual frustration is extremely painful?"

Cuddy pulled away from him, taking a few steps backwards. Smirking, she replied, "Don't play with fire."

* * *


End file.
